factoid: coffee + civet

baby civet

on 18 april, i learned that “the world’s most expensive coffee beans are found in the droppings of the civet, a catlike animal from southeast asia whose digestive tract produces a smooth brew.” i do not remember where i learned about this but i thought it was important to note and openly ridicule.  no doubt this will be sold at snarky, or cranky, or whatever the name of that ridiculous espresso joint on seventh avenue in da slope is called.  why are these animals eating coffee beans?

Filed under: annoying, civet, coffee, espresso, coffee

upscale: careful what you wish for

regarding their wish to be thought of as truly upscale, some time ago i advised starbucks to stop selling tedious food, games, stuffed animals, cheap espresso machines and other crap and stick to coffee. i suggested that a truly upscale cafe experience should include (1) a venue that is much more minimally designed, (2) the sale of unflavored coffee or espresso drinks only (i.e. no tea, cider or milk shakes posing as coffee drinks) (3) without the presence of such condiments as sugary syrup, sprinkles, powders or milk that is not from healthy, happy cows. just coffee. i suggested that charging more money for this experience would help consumers to feel that they were engaging in a truly upscale experience and would, over time, develop a consciousness centered in this kind of experience. the upscale consciousness. that is what starbucks was wanting when they introduced their upscale instant coffee. read about it here.

a few weeks ago i was looking for the tea lounge on seventh ave in da slope. why? my feeling is: their coffee is good enough, and i sought shelter from the cold and rain. i’d had enough of the malodorous basement religious activity that i had been doing with my partner but wanted to wait for her so we could walk home together. so i checked my palm centro and found that the seventh ave tea lounge had been closed. somewhat disheartened, i sought another alternative.

i found a place, but my internal coffee guidance system informed me that it was not acceptable. it had a brightly-lit, large glass showcase full of gleeful cookies and cakes; it was not the proper choice. i felt sad. despairing, i looked across the street and saw something worth investigating. it was: a cafe i had not seen before. it was called: cafe grumpy. or, in my mind, “grumpy’s.”

wifiless coffee spot

it was promising if only for the name. i was hoping for a moody, dimly-lit, reflective, leave-me-alone kind of place with ambient music or silence, no chatty park slope moms, strollers, healthy snacks or cell phones a-blazing.

i found a gorgeously minimal situation. excrutiatingly minimal. a single square wooden bar/table with one or two coffee drinkers drinking out of appropriate cup-and-saucer espresso vessels while diligently reading the new york times. i was excited.

until i saw the menu. and it was a menu, not just a chalkboard. there were exotic beans from here and there and espresso shots cost more than $3. i really just wanted a cup of coffee and was not in the mood for a “tasting” situation so i thanked them and left.

ironically, i was a little too grumpy to enjoy the pretentious minimalism of grumpy’s. that does not mean that i will not go back another day, perhaps on a mental health day, and drink too much espresso.

click here for news of grumpy’s imminent arrival

click here to see the finished venue (this one is in park slope but there are other locations. the “roastery” is located on meserole ave in greenpoint, where i lived in 1987 when it was a depressing hell hole of a neighborhood accessed only by a filthy, creaky, hot, infrequent-running L train*)

a good thing: striking interior
another good thing: no wifi
a bad thing: a disturbing, diverting focus on tea
another bad thing: the crema and foam of espresso drinks seem to be formed into cutesy heart shapes.

* regarding the l train of my greenpoint period (1987-90?), according to my research, the majority of trains that went into service in 1969 were not replaced until 2002-03. you think it’s uncomfortable when you get stuck in a non-air conditioned car in july? ha! that’s what it was like in every car, every day back in the day. today’s l trains are a ride in a bmw in comparison. i think this could be said of most other trains except for the a. it seemed to have good air conditioning even back in the day.

Filed under: cafe_grumpy, coffee, cup, espresso, hand-crafted, menu, precious, pretentiousness, regular, starbucks, stupid things, tasting, tea lounge, coffee

what is espresso?

sexy!

today my love asked me this question. she said, what is espresso.  i explained what little i know. that is, that it has to do with the length of time a bean is roasted. espresso is roasted a long time. i have heard that the longer  a bean is roasted, the less caffeine it retains. she knew this.  my love asks me things like this from time to time. another one is, how is a latte different than au lait? these are important conversations. more americans should be having these kinds of conversations.

Filed under: coffee, espresso, coffee

aerolatte

i have an aerolatte.  it is the best thing ever. it was one of my birthday presents, and i earned it.  do you know what the aerolatte does?

it makes the milk for my coffee foamy. all this in a battery-operated stick that packs up neatly into a plastic container with good design that travels well. i should say that i imagine that it travels well since i don’t travel so well and haven’t done any travelling lately unless you consider taking the f train to south brooklyn every day travelling.

Filed under: aerolatte, coffee, decaf, decaffeinated beverage, espresso, coffee

in only six hours i will have fresh coffee.

today i was thinking about altaf’s apartment in gramercy park. i had these coffee-related thoughts because it was yom kippur and i was fasting and as such had not had any coffee, none at all. so i was remembering all the kinds of espresso coffee he had in his house. he had instant medaglia d’oro crystals and also actual espresso. he had several jars of this instant coffee in his refrigerator. during the day i was wishing i could have a nice cup of instant espresso. in fact, the first thing i had when i broke my fast was a sip of diner coffee. and it was good.

it is important to know that i was friends with altaf in 1986. i haven’t seen him or his apartment in a long, long time.

Filed under: 1986, coffee, espresso, yom kippur, coffee